i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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