go do what you do best...puke behind churches
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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