You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
