Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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