Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
