On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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