well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
