I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
