Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
