Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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