you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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