You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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