ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
