It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
