have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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