Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
