i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I need water and some morals
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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