I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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