If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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