so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
