I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize