listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We need a shit load of segways right now
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
