I murdered the dance floor call the cops
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
