Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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