Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
