If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
