Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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