): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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