i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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