last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
