I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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