I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
