i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
