i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
