dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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