Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
