If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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