so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
