after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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