so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
