New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
