Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize