so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
