Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
