you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
