Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
