On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
