That's intense
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
