Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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