I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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