Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's blow job season.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
