I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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