we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
