and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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