see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
