I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
