woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
