My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
