She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He passed out mid-signature
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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