Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize