Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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