I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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