I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I cannot find my penis.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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