she was so not down for the gang bang
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
