bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
