none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize