Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
