walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
