Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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