I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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