I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
