you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
