A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I touched a dick in church today
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
