last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
