I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
