I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
