he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
