Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
