i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
