I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
