we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
