I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
