I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
