I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
