So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
