Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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