I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We don't watch enough power rangers
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
