Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
