I think my fart just growled at me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
