i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
