He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
