I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
