you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
no more duck duck goose at the bar
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
