you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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